Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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