That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As shirtless as possible
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
