just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
