I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
