can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
