Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
