wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
