He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
