super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize