were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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