looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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