I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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