He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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