1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
