please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
