is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
