Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize