the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The best revenge is premature balding
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
