I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
