I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
