So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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