apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I intend to get homeless drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
