you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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