don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize