wakey wakey hands off snakey
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
