i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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