so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
