yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
