you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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