I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
