Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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