$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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