Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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