$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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