Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
