Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He has the fingertips of a God
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