I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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