I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
