hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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