would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
