its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
