His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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