All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
