end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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