I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
