i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
