I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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