where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
