Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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