You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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