i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
