Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
