I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
