I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
