in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
