her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
