my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
