did you get engaged???
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
