I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
