Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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