i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
