He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
