I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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