Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
