the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm too high and old for this...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
