Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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