if you like me you must not know who I am
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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