Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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