Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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