Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
