If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
