weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
