Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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