Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
